The Play - final version
I worked on it on paper.
Just couldn't get it right on the screen.
So here it is - Risk the play
Scene - Mother preparing dinner. She leaves the sink and starts setting the plates on the table.
Mum - Where are they?
-- Car pulls up in the driveway. ---
Dad and son enter through the kitchen door.
Son is cradling his hand. Its been bandaged it has an ice pack on it.
Son - Hi Mum!
Mum - David what happened this time.
Dad - He was jst trying to catch the ball it hit his hand awkwardly .
David (son) - No breaks Mum. Just alot of swelling. (Pauses and realises that Mum wants to talk to Dad))
David - I'll go put my stuff away then...
(Son walks out)
Dad - Calm down. There's been no bone breakage.
(Mum turns away from Dad)
(Dad goes to comfort Mum. She pulls away initally, then gives in to his embrace)
Mum - David's always been so fragile to me. Seeing him hurt himself all the time.
Dad - (softly) Its his choice.
Mum - I don't want it to be his choice.(She pulls out of Dad's embrace) Who knows what'll happen next.
David - (entering slowly into the Kitchen) Its my body Mum. I think its my choice.
Mum - But its such a risk. You don't know what can happen, the doctors said...
David - (interupting) Its my risk to take Mum, because I don't know. Where's the dignity in hiding Mum. At least this way I can find out just where I am. I need this for me.
(Dad moves to Mum)
Dad - Its not like he's base jumping.
Mum - (pleading) Promise me you wont go base jumping?
David - I can't. (Smiles) But I don't think I will.
Mum - (hands to her face) I can't stop you. Can I.
David - No.
2 Comments:
If this is supposed to be ten minutes, it needs quite a bit of expanding. Like you could go into the gory details of how he cracked his bone, and give a science lession about bone physics too! Or you could just have the convesation continue a bit. But the ending was good, so you have to toss in some filler before. Or if it doesn't have to be 10 minutes then you should leave it as is.
It was supposed to be for a competition. It was advertised in the newspaper, unfortunatley the paper was two weeks old. The end date for accepting scripts was after I even started.
Even though I had the idea. Couldn't let go of it. Had to write it down.
Your right about the length but to add to it right now, I'm not sure.
Thanks for the feedback.
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